Monday, September 29, 2008
I did NOT neglect Tuff all weekend by not visiting him for only 30 minutes a day. That would be so mean of me and I would never do that.
I did not eat breakfast on Sunday morning at 9 am, and I did not go back to bed at 11 and I did not wake up at 1pm.
I do not love Sunday Naps.
I do not love naps in general, in fact i've never taken a nap before.
I did not go to a former neighbors house yesterday, hold their 3 week old baby, and I did not get bit by the baby bug. I sure did not!
I do not have clean clothes in my laundry hamper that have not been sitting in the clean hamper for the last 3 weeks waiting to be folded. I am not hoping that I can just pick the clothes for the day out of said hamper until it is empty and I don't need to fold them anymore.
I think i've done enough damage with my Monday confessions...
Head on down to MckMama's blog for some more Not Me Monday confessions!
Have a good week ya'll.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
How bout a little tribute?
Sunday, September 21, 2008
I am doing it in honor of the creator of this idea 'MckMama' and her blog.
...and I think it is a fabulous idea that she had, and it makes us all feel a little bit better about the things that we did not do :) by making it public and joking about all the things we 'did not do'
So without further ado, these are the things that I did not do all weekend.
I did not totally enjoy my night to myself last night, and I did not come home from the barn after 3 hours, all dirty and tired with a bag of taco bell and a movie from Redbox and did not enjoy a chick flick completely alone in the comfort of my living room. If I were to have watched that said chick flick, I might have watched 27 Dresses.
I did not go to Dover saddlery and purchase my very first riding helmet after 20 years of horseback riding and being 'lucky' that I have not fallen off with a major head injury. I most certainly did not chose this said helmet based on it's color alone. (pink) Nope, I sure did not.
I did not go out to eat with Shawn and Uriah today to a sports bar and order my food after they had already ate. I did not eat Uriah's chocolate desert before I ate my entree. I did not enjoy every morsel of my pre-dinner desert. :)
Thus concludes my first Not Me Monday post. Look forward to my NEXT Not Me Monday post (on Monday)
On a side note, I had to have the vet called out today for Tuff's eye. Yes, on a Sunday. Yes, the money we've dropped on this horse is getting to be ridiculous, but I wouldn't have it any other way :) (actually I would prefer not to have spent anything due to nothing happening, but since he is accident prone, I wouldn't have it any other way and let him suffer)
He has a small bump in between his eyes and his left eye is runny/itchy. I caught him rubbing his eye on the side of his wooden feed trough. This scares me because I worried that he would scratch and get a splinter in his eyeball. So rather than waiting until Monday, which chances are I could have done to avoid the emergency fee, I did not want to chance it and risk the fact that my horse is accident prone and would have found a splinter if there was one and would have stuck it into his eyeball to drive me into the looney bin. So, the vet stained his eye with 'green stuff' and flushed it so the 'green stuff' would drain out of his nose if his tear duct wasn't clogged. Well, it didn't drain so the vet thinks that he just has a clogged tear duct and ointment and antibiotics should take care of it. If not then she is coming back out to flush his tear duct.
There is also a very very very small chance that the swelling on his head between his eye is a fracture, and that is what is causing his eye to bother him. We will know for sure in a couple of days whether or not it is something simple because the medicine should clear him up first. If it does not, then we will pursue that further. Everybody cross your fingers for NO FRACTURE. My emotions cannot handle that bad news!
So what did you not do this weekend?
Don't forget to pray for Evelyn Rose.
Please send a word up for my Tuffy also.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
So read the previous post about my ear otherwise you'll be totally lost. After much thinking (and i'm sure alot more thinking) I am pretty sure i've decided to get my stapes bone repaired for now, and hold off on the baha implant. There are a couple of reasons. First I sort of wanted to talk to my ear doctor in NC who is amazing and knows my ear better than I know my ear, to see if I in fact had nerve damage to my ear (which I do not). I told him about my hearing loss which as gotten 20% worse than the previous year, and I also told him about my 'slipped' stapes bone. I also told him about the baha trial 5 minute period in which I wore it in the office, and told him it was great and he was happy for me.
I had not told him the thoughts that were on my mind about which side I was leaning towards until he said that he likes to encourage his patients to go forward with fixing what God gave you to begin with, then if that doesn't work, go forward with other measures if you need to. He said yes, I will hear better (with just repairing my bone), but I will never hear as good as the first time I was put together. I had been leaning on that decision, and he just pushed me closer to it. I really trust him and I really value his medical opinion. He said that the baha really doesn't have a time frame to it, and since i'm only 26 you really don't know how long it will last, especially with technology advancing so fast these days, it will be outdated, and it is expensive, and some insurance companies do not cover it, and it is so permanent. That is the part that 'scares' me. I could regain almost 30% of my hearing which would put me to maybe around 80%. I am completely okay with that. I still have a right ear that is in good working order.
I have found a forum for people with ear problems, baha users, every kind of ear issue you can imagine for every different reason you can imagine and as I look and read from it, I realize that i'm alot more fortunate than alot are and really feel like I should fix what is causing my problem while I can, and keep fixing it until it can't be fixed anymore, and when i'm 50 and it can't be fixed and all options have been explored, THEN I feel like it is necessary to resort to something so permanent. But I just can't go there yet. I don't want something there permanently when I know I could have helped my hearing somewha by having the surgery, and it would be enough for me.
So tonight I took Austin on a walk, and it was a unplanned walk, I literally walked in the door from the barn after 3 hours, went straight to the drawer with her leash, put it on her, and before I knew it was walking down the street. I hadn't planned on it. But for some reason it just happened. I wasn't even halfway down the sidewalk when I suddenly found myself enjoying the sound of crickets chirping, and of Austin's toenails clicking on the pavement. These are all noises people take for granted. I felt like God was telling me 'listen and be thankful you can hear this' 'I will help you in your decision', and call me wierd, but I just feel a little bit peaceful in knowing that I am not going to get the baha now. I feel peace in knowing that my decision is getting my bone repaired instead, I feel like I was being led by the hand to this decision by God and was just led outside to walk Austin to be forced to listen, to be still and just listen...not to my surroundings, but to listen to Him. I am going to continue to listen and pray and be thankful, but until then I just wanted you all to know the latest. Thanks for everything so far.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Cause i'm gonna hear better than you one day!
Today I went to 3 doctor appointments, 2 of which were ear related. The other I won't go into until I know more, but I had a CT scan done on my head, to check and see if my temporal bone is bad. I don't know where in the world your temporal bone is but hey.
So after my CT scan I go upstairs to meet with the ear specialist who has never seen my case before. This is my first official ear appointment since moving away from NC and leaving behind my regular ear doctor that knows my ear like the back of his hand. I was hopeful that nothing would be wrong.
There is good news, and there is 'bad' news, if you want to call it bad. First the bad news: I need surgery again, for the 5th time. My stapes bone has 'slipped' and is no longer functioning like it should. It is just having it's own little party in never never land and isn't attached to the maleus which is where it should be. When I had surgery number 2 the doctor had to remove my incus, replace my stapes with a prosthetic ear bone and just build a 'bridge' to my maleus but linking my stapes to my maleus and my inner ear.
here is a picture:
Just picture the incus totally gone, and the stapes forming a 'bridge' connecting directly to the maleus. Mine is no longer touching the maleus like it was meant to do in the 2nd surgery.
The picture below is an overview of where the ear bones are
So my obvious decision is do I or do I not have the surgery? The no brainer would be to have it. I am not opposed to doing that, that is until I had the 'baha' experience. The 'baha' Bone Apparatus Hearing Aid is a hearing aid that would be implanted into my bone permanantly for the rest of my life, the part that would be implanted would be the size of a pencil eraser behind my ear (feel the hard bone behind your ear? that is where it would be implanted) and would be titanium metal so I would be able to swim, shower, basically live a normal life. The next part that would be my aid would be a snap on little diddy that is maybe 1''x1'' 'box' that would have a battery, a volume control and would amplify my sounds bypassing my disastrous middle ear and getting all the information straight to the business center of my inner ear. I had no idea what to expect when the doctor hastily ran away to his office to get the sample version of it for me to try in the room. The 'sample' version isn't as effective as the 'REAL' version, but it got the point across BIG TIME. So he puts it on my head and quietly whispers into my left ear 'test 123' and a smile jumped across my face like no other. He then continues to tell me that because my stapes bone is unattached my hearing loss is 50-60% now and that blah blah blah blah blah blah blah (not listening to him anymore because I am currently crying my eyeballs out from tears of sheer happiness) Yes, folks, the BAHA made me cry...in a good way. He was such a soft spoken, understanding man and tells me that it's alright to cry because i've not heard this well in a long time. He was very sweet.
He has done 11 surgeries total of this surgery, 4 while he was in practice and all of them have had positive results. He said that insurance companies will now pay for the surgery, but not all will pay for the aid, which could cost 1-2,000. The piece that attaches to the implant isn't too stylish, but he said that technology would update possibly and it would become smaller, possibly even a blue tooth technology.
Here is a website with pictures to show you what it would look like:
Somewhere in between the tears I managed to squeeze out a couple of questions about the procedure like, recovery time (5-7 days) surgery (lasts about 1.5 hrs done under general anesthesia) and whether or not he could repair my stapes bone while the baha is inserted. He said that he wouldn't need to do both.
My thoughts are this (these) . Despite the fact that the BAHA is amazing, and gave me dog ears, I am hesitant on something being so permanant. It would be drilled into my skull basically, forever seems so scary. I feel like I should get my stapes bone repaired again, but then there is another chance that it would slip again, because thats what they do, and I would be in the same boat. I think I also remember my doctor in NC saying that my hearing would never be normal again because of my prosthetic ear bone, no incus and possible nerve damage in my inner ear. So even repairing the stapes, I have a feeling would never give me the sounds that I heard today. What then would be the point of having it if it didn't effect my hearing? I want to call my NC doctor tomorrow and have a chat with him. We'll see how that goes.
With the BAHA I could hear background noise, AND have a conversation. I could also hear very clearly out of my left ear. I could hear whispers, I could hear termites in the wood (kidding). There is also a volume level on the 'box' that you can adjust. The doctor had mine first on '2' which would give me vibrations in my ear with loud noises. He then turned it down to '1/2' and it was still very crystal clear and miraculous.
I can take the Baha home on a trial basis and see if I like it, if I do, then I can have the surgery. Since this hearing aid worked for me, I asked if just a 'regular' one would work for me, and he said that I could absolutely try one, (despite my middle ear being messed up - that would be the part that would be used with a 'regular' hearing aid so it might not work as well) so on October 1st I am having a hearing aid evaluation with the audiologist and we'll see how that goes. I may even opt to have a 'regular' hearing aid with the stapes surgery repair and if need be get the baha years down the road. Maybe? Heck, I don't know.
Up until today I had just assumed that I would be deaf in my left ear in 10-15 years and had accepted that fact and come to terms with it. Now I have a whole new outlook on my possibilities. Now I just need to think about what I want to do with them. I value all of your thoughts and opinions or any questions you may have because maybe I should have them to. Please ask away and leave your comments here or email them to me. PLEASE:) Like I said, I value all of them.
Please say a little prayer.
On a side note, please pray for my friend Lisa's baby. Her name is Evelyn Rose and she has been diagnosed as having Myoclonic epileptic seizures, had strokes while in the womb, areas of her brain have died and are now damaged and will develop cerebral palsy when she develops although the doctors don't know to what extent all of this will have on her little body. Please pray for her miraculous healing and for strength and peace without understanding for her family during this difficult time. All prayers are very much appreciated.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
I'd like to share.
This morning was pretty typical, except for on my way to work I ran over a squirrel. This should have been the big red flag that today was going to be a struggle. Mr(s). Squirrel decided to run across the street (2 lanes) just as 2 cars were coming, mine and another in the neighboring lane. I braked ASAP and Mr(s). Squirrel ran out halfway, had a change of heart since he saw my car coming, ran back the other way towards safety, then saw the SUV coming towards him as well and panicked, ran back into my lane and thump, thump he went under my left tires. Talk about HORROR! I wanted to pull over on the side of the road and cry. Poor little thing, just tryin' to gather a few nuts before winter to hide away in his little hidey-hole and here I come along and trample on his dreams. I hope his little life was a full one and he was an old man squirrel. Still I feel horrible. I have never killed anything before (other than bugs of course) but killing something while driving, accidentally, something cute and furry is so traumatizing to me. I just want to forget it happened, rewind and let the poor little thing live. Atleast he is in heaven now. Bless it.
After that my whole mood for the day was completely ruined. I just felt agitated all day. I couldn't get IV catheters in today to save my life, and everytime I was successful the dog struggled and my holder couldn't regain control before the catheter got sliipped out again. Needless to say the dog looked like a crack addict by all the tracks left on it's arms from so many pokes (3) ...I gave up. I didn't feel so bad that no one else could get it in successfully either. Add all of that to a chorus of a incessant meowing cat, and barking (screeching is more like it) dog and you have one vet tech ready to explode. I had to flee the scene.
Now i'm at home, eatin' some cake, contemplating on riding my Tuff finally today, and then I remember I washed his saddle pad and left it in the sun to dry 2 days ago (it's taking forever to dry) It should have dried last night but I wasn't able to make it out there last night to take it back in the tack room, and today it rained, so I know it's wet again and has ruined my plan (again) to ride today.
I need a nap, but need to go to the barn instead. I think the nap is going to win for now, and I can go to the barn tonight to do doodoo duty when i'm refreshed. Tuff would like me better refreshed.
So that is what I must do. Goodnight people!
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Saturday, September 6, 2008
I wish I could see him walk through the door to the house from the Garden carrying a basketful of tomatoes.
I wish I could have given him one more last hug.
I wish it would stop raining.
I wish I had a personal butler, and a horse butler.
I wish I could sleep for 15 hours straight.
I wish I could win the lottery :)
I wish I could have someone clean my house.
I wish I could move back home to NC.
I wish I could just blink and have already finished school, settled into a dream career, and have a house in NC already.
I wish papaw and grandmother were still here.
I wish this didn't hurt so bad.
Happy Grandparent's Day
Monday, September 1, 2008
Lately i've been reading alot of blogs of people that have alot more going on in their lives than I do....Scratch that, alot more FUN things going on than I do. Because I certainly have alot going on right now. I'll get to that later.
Lately there has been this thing called money that i've been stressing over, mainly because I have a million dollar horse. I say million, but I really don't know how much i've spent on him in all his 14 years, but lately it has felt like a million because of his injury in March of this year. Let's just say that since March, we've spent about $4-5,000+ on his leg alone, not counting the bi-annual checkups, maintenance of his feet, gas it takes to drive 100 miles every day for 6 months and let's just say I got paid for driving 2 hours a day, let's not forget all THAT money and time! THANKFULLY, thankfully, I found a barn that is 6.4 miles away from my house, AND it takes me 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7- SEVEN minutes to get there. Let's not forget how thankful I am for that. Can I get an AMEN? AMEN!
So...where was I? Money, oh yeah. There are these things called bills, rent, student loans, HORSE, blah blah blah, that seem to take all the fun out of getting paid every week. But I am always reminded that I have my health, a wonderful roof over my head, warm bed, cool house, a wonderful husband (who tolerates my million dollar horse), a terrific family with great friends who still keep in touch regardless of how far away we now live, (1 more year and 9 months guys!) a car, money to buy gas, a JOB, and a possibility to be educated, which started again last Tuesday. There are tons more but you fill the rest in.
So after writing all of that, I think, -God has really blessed us with alot of things, and I think i'm spoiled. Know i'm spoiled. I have alot compared to BUNCHES of people in this world. And somehow I still manage to claim i'm po'. We are not poor really. But I kind of like saying the word po. Continuing on, i'd like to say that God has always provided for us, has always eased our 'worries' always blessed us with anything and everything we could always want or need. I find it ridiculous to worry about money right now. Absolutely ridiculous. Especially after what I saw this morning.
So back to the blog thing. I came across one this morning of a lady that traveled to Africa with
Compassion and I read a link to her blog (Boomama) that made all of the things that I take for granted just seem so small and silly when there are people out there that are orphaned, live in 1 room 'shacks' the size of my half bath, that have straw for flooring, sheets for doors, cardboard beds and walls, very very sick family members that struggle to provide for their own children who manage to eat every 3 days, and STILL manage to smile. And here I am thinking, man I really don't want any more Lean Cuisines for lunch. Pitiful. If I could say one word I think it would be 'perspective' and mine has been changed.
So with that said, i'm going to share this with my husband, and continue to think about all the things that we take for granted here in our free country with things called carpeted floors and grocery stores and heating and cooling.
Everyone have a Happy Labor Day and enjoy your day off...another thing we take for granted.
What areYOU thankful for?